ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
