I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
