Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I am midnight drunk by noon
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
