Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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