well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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