we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize
