Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
