My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
