so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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