You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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