It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
