And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
