Can Purell be used as lube?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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