the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
