Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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