hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Randomize
