a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
