I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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