I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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