Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
im holly from the hills drunk
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
