those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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