Kiss
Puke
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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