I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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