in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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