I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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