chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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