Can Purell be used as lube?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
