Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I am one with the molecules
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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