Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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