Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
