so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
