Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
