I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
