Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Randomize
