I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
