I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
