I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
