Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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