I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
you had me at cake vodka
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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