its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
