The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
