I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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