i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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