You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
