Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
