I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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