I haven't been this sober since birth.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I could fuck to npr.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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