Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He had one of those small greek statue penises
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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