two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize