Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
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