I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I checked into jail on foursquare
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
