Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
