When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
