I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
