Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
