I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
