the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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