Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
