HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
